To do or not to do that is the question?

So today I am reflecting on how difficult it is to share with people, especially people you are close to about issues that make them uncomfortable. Even though you know that about the person you still hope they will show interest and caring and let you unload for a little while. Since I live alone I found I am a poor listener and my advice to myself seems to be one sided. So I try to depend on those who I know well to be my sounding board but I recently discovered they are only trying to show they are interested because they don't want to hurt my feelings.

So I have decided to write and not burden my friends with things they cannot fully understand.

I have 5 wonderful grandchildren and they are facing difficult times that they have no control over. They are at the age where life should be carefree and full of fun with friends and activities to enjoy. So what can one grandma do? I am not sure, so as I counsel myself about this I am at lose about how I should provide support. As I struggle to use my edit button about certain individuals I am trying to think of examples from the past that will guide me with an appropriate action.

So here are some of my thoughts, pray, pray and pray for wisdom and guidance. Hope I am able to hear the answer and implement the plan. Be available when possible to provide hugs, brownies, cake, hugs, ice cream, hugs and throw in some kisses and positive comments. yep that sounds about right,

Then maybe I can do something special like a movie night at mops or some crafts with paper and drawing tools. Maybe I will sing to them, well that never worked to good with their parents, occasionally sponsor a pity party, with tissues and candle light.

I suppose I could refrain from cooking and order meals more often. I could also start family night where we sit like the Walton family and have meals at the table and share about our day, or I could make sure everynight I holler out goodnight Sam boy and good night Josh boy.. hope they don't look for those boys with those odd names.

I guess I really don't need to have a live person to help me, it seems like I may be getting the hang of doing this solo. But I do think I need to have some moral support now and then as talking to myself could land me in some hospital mental health ward being assessed by their in house therapist.

I suppose this too shall pass and should anyone read this it would be real helpful if you could remember Sam, Kailtyn, Tyler, Joshua and Lauren when you pray that they will feel God's presence in their lives and maybe the song I have shared with them that goes like this, Yes, Jesus love you, Yes, Jesus love you, hmmm, hmmm and hmmm
I always forget the ending.

Reflections

Here I sit at 2:15 AM trying to get tired enough to sleep. I have been listening to music for the past 20 minutes or so. Josh my grandson said to me yesterday that October had been a real bad month for me, I have to agree. My grandson's stay overnight a lot and they love going back in the bedrooms to watch TV but they do love to jump more. The constant prediction that one day if they continued jumping something bad would happen. Well, it did. Of course it couldn't be in my room, no they were on my parents bed and sure enough the ultimate disaster, the bed frame broke and down the corner of the bed thumped. Thankfully all the instruments stored under the bed were spared but not my nerves. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes, or does that only happen to those who are near death. Poor Sam rushed to the bathroom crying and gagging he was so scared and Josh came out whistling. Somehow, Josh's approach seemed to be more calming. Then I decided to take the boys to trunk or treat at two different churches and because walking without a shopping cart is difficult I remained in my car as they ran around getting another bag of candy. I listened to my radio, forgot my lights were on, then when the boys came back to the car we were trapped by other cars around us so we sat there looking at their hull of goodies and then suddenly a gap was available and I decided to pull around with caution of course so I turned my key and all I heard was the dreaded click click click no power and I am trying to remain focused on what in the world would cause my battery to run down. So I called my son and as positive as he can possibly be he pointed out that sitting several hours with all that running without the engine on was probably the cause and yes he would come save me from two sugar high boys and a dead battery,if he could find me.

You see I am having company this Friday and now they will have to sleep standing up or at least I plan to prop their feet up so they don't slide out of bed. But the very saddest part of this whole lament is the lady who cleans for me cannot come this week. So I will have to send my guests to the filling station restrooms, mine really need help. Or I am playing with the idea of renting a suite at the Country Inn and staying with my guests there. I will have to ponder this more.

So as I reflect on this situation I am reminded that things could be worse, I could be back in the hospital. Isn't funny how things such as the above develop out of choices we make. Even though the boys have been warned many times they made a choice to continue. Even though I know that sitting with everything humming in my car a dead battery could result yet I made a choice to ignore those thoughts and selfishly decided to play music sing along alone in my car and watch for the boys. Too bad we never reflect first before making choices. Poor Sam was totally green from fear so we talked about his choice that resulted in the damage. I asked him if he had decided to break the bed when he jumped, he said no. I said I didn't think so but see you decided to jump even though you knew it was wrong did he understand, he said yes. So even though my first thought was to beat his rear end the punishment was already administered by him waiting to see what would transpire.

Reflection is important. I had a bleeding ulcer that I am told is active and I had to have blood transfusions. Now the whole experience of what tests they performed to find this was invasive and gross so you would think that I would be super careful about what I am feeding this ulcer but no I am feeling better and you got it I am experimenting everyday with forbidden items.

I guess my thoughts are that if we spent time on reflecting about our past decisions and really made better choices our lives would flow better I am starting to think I have old timers setting in and my rationale has been impaired and soon the kids will hold a meeting about me and decide that I need to have 24/7 supervision and I will be like Sam green around the gills and waiting for someone to comfort me.